Become an Ugly Expat in 12 easy steps

See on Scoop.it – Global Leaders

You’re probably familiar with the expression “Ugly American,” a pejorative and stereotypical term for US expatriates who alienate the locals with their loud and disrespectful behaviour.

Anne Egros‘s insight:

I have been an expat by choice for 20+ years and I am guilty of being sometimes an ugly expat (especially complaining about local bureaucracy or simply craving for some food I can only find in my home country) BUT, I would never judge another expat based on my experience.

In fact, I think there is no such thing as an ugly expat, only lonely or frustrated people who simply don’t know how to get their basic needs met. Not everybody get cross-cultural training or can afford to hire an expat coach before moving abroad to understand what specific challenges they will face in a new country.

They never heard about words like “TCK” or “trailing spouse” or “culture shock” and why should they ?

Lets be practical and realistic : If you don’t speak the language, never visited the country and know nobody there, I would strongly suggest that you call first your embassy to get in touch with other expats who can understand you and how you feel, provide resources they tested such as medical centers, shopping etc.. You will have more chance to be a happy expat !

Here a great article from fellow expat coach Margarita Gokun Silver:http://globalcoachcenter.com/7-habits-of-a-happy-expat
I like particularly habit # 5: Happy expats know that feeling sad at times is part of the game ( and that you are allowed to vent your frustration too )

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF EXPATS YOU KNOW ? DO YOU THINK MAJORITY ARE GOOD,  BAD OR UGLY ONES ?

See on iwasanexpatwife.com

Related articles

• Desperate Ex-Career Expat Wives: Do Not Patronize Them! (www.zestnzen.com)

• The Expat Limbo (clew.lu)

 

What to Do With Your Broken New Years Resolutions – Lifehack

See on Scoop.it – Global Leaders

New Years Resolutions broken already? Don’t worry, New Years Resolutions are deeply flawed, so here’s what to do instead.

Anne Egros‘s insight:

You cannot force somebody to do something he or she doesn’ like : Same rule apply to yourself, you have much more chance to stick to your goals if you are rewarded by taking action and enjoying what you are doing in the moment rather than doing it expecting a hypotethical reward such as better health, being thinner or quitting smoking.

Your goals should fit in your vision and your true purpose in life

See on www.lifehack.org

Related articles

• How to Keep a New Year’s Resolution: A Primer on Goal-Setting (hanescoaching.com)
• Dan Vitchoff, President of Pittsburgh’s PA Hypnosis Center and Olympic Mental Coach Shares Secrets to Success for Keeping New Year’s Resolutions All Year Long (prweb.com)

 

Will You Make New Year’s Resolutions in 2013 ?

Do you make New Year resolutions in January? Are you thinking about doing something new, stopping a bad habit or be a better person?

I usually write some goals and ideas around January 3rd as I feel relaxed, but full of energy.

Most people fail to stick to their yearly goals because they are either unrealistic or they don’t have the resources or they fall into the category of things they think they should do to please others, but don’t really feel intrinsic motivation to change.

Another reason for failure is to be too impatient and try to change too many things at the same time like quitting smoking and losing weight or changing job and starting a family. That’s why most people quit their good resolutions within the first 90 days of the new year.

So should we stop doing New Year resolutions? I think YES, if we stick to the definition of a resolution: “a firm decision to do or not to do something”. If we think that way it sounds like success or failure are only the results of willpower.

However, willpower is very limited as our brain is looking for rewards and instant gratifications as a result of specific behaviors especially when we are under stress. So if we want to quit smoking for example, it doesn’t help to know that we may increase the risks of getting cancer compared to the instant relief of anxiety that smoking can provide.

Before setting any specific goals for the new year, I suggest you think about moments of your life when you felt truly happy to understand what behaviors and environments make you emotionally and physically satisfied. Then, list actions and activities that you can include in your life that will reproduce those moments. It is also important to identify situations that make you unhappy and that you want to eliminate.

Make a list of five areas of your life you want to change such as self-development, career, family, etc. Select three goals for the year and associate what rewards do you expect based on the list of what makes you truly happy.

If you have difficulties to make this exercise and identify your priorities, maybe you can talk with your partner or a coach to make sure that you plan for success and do not make new year resolutions that you won’t keep.

Contact Us For a Free Consultation: aegros@zestnzen.com

Related articles

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Moving Overseas? Don’t Make Big Decisions Under pressure!

If you are an expatriate moving abroad this summer, chances are high that you are under great pressure and stress. You have made the decision to relocate few months ago, although it feels like years. Your partner is already working in your future country and you are the “trailing spouse” in charge of executing the relocation strategy. Now unexpected problems are suddenly on your way and you are facing many dilemmas.

Here some common questions expats have to ask themselves that can lead to really bad decisions if we are overwhelmed and under stress:

• Should I sell or rent my house while living abroad ? ( Read : http://www.expatguy.com/)
• What shall I do If the house is not sold before leaving ?
• How should I sell my car? to a car dealer or a stranger on eBay or Craig list ?
• Shall I plan the packing date before finding my new house abroad?
• What do I need to  put in local storage and what must be shipped overseas ?
• Should I rent a temporary apartment in my new destination or make a house hunt a priority before moving
• What should I do about schools if my children are on waiting lists of several schools and cannot go to local school due to language barrier ?
• Should I stay one more school year where I live to get more time to plan the move ?

It is not rare that we have to make big decisions when we are under some kind of pressure such as lack of time, social pressure, too many options, not enough information, highly complex situations or emotional stress.

When we are under pressure, rushed and stressed we are not in the best situation to make rational decisions.  Our emotional brain takes the control of our rational brain, and we make emotional decisions to get instant gratification and relief from the pressure. For example some people overeat or overspend when they are in such emotional state that leads to either poor decision-making or impaired impulse control.

Most of the time, pressure can’t be avoided but we can learn to switch our mind to a non-emotional and objective state to make the best decisions we can based on facts while being conscious of the emotional part of the decision process.

To get an objective mindset is really important to avoid making a bad decision we will regret for years to come. We can’t eliminate all the subjectivity of our emotions, bu we can minimize that bias and make the best decision we can  with the information we have.

Here some tips on getting a quiet mind and make rational decisions:

1-Don’t panic: The worst thing that can happen is to rush decisions too early

2-Keep your options open as long as possible : Don’t plan packing before you know the size of your future home. Better to spend money on flight tickets than having to deal with costly shipment and trashing your furniture.

3-Plan for the worst-case scenario : In case things don’t work overseas have a plan to go back where you live (keep your house for example)

4-Recognize your limitations:  You are not Captain America or Wonder Woman, nothing should be perfect. You have to admit that sometimes you can be an insecure person who doesn’t like to show shortage of knowledge.

5-Keep your pride and ego away You told the world you are going to live a great adventure abroad, friends said goodbye and you keep going just because you don’t want to admit you made a mistake. Better have shame than regrets

6-Be incredibly selfish:.Most trailing spouses are women who put other’s needs before their own needs: children, husband, old parents and so on. To be selfish is about taking the time to focus on your needs, listen to your emotions and to take care of yourself no matter how busy you life is. To be selfish is not being needy or egoist, it is a very healthy habit that helps create both emotional and physical well-being. You create more inner peace, joy and a natural balance.

7-Stay connected: As most expats you may have many expat friends on social networks like Facebook. Sharing your doubts, frustration and other emotions to like-minded people is a great coping strategy and helps you gain clarity about your thought process.. Don’t isolate yourself from local friends and neighbors because you are leaving, meet them until the last minute.

 Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is intentional

Related articles

• Making Big Decisions: My Approach (scottmiddleton.wordpress.com)
• Make More Rational Decisions by Using a Foreign Language [Mind Hacks] (lifehacker.com)
• Top 25 Worst Things About Being An Expat (brokerfish.com)
• Expat Jobs (expatintelligence.com)

Are Expats More Resilient? Guest Post Published in 3Plus International Magazine

Reblogged from Anne Egros, Intercultural Executive Coach:

Are Expats More Resilient?

By Guest Contributor

June 16, 2011

by Anne Egros

 Anne is in the middle of move #12, back to the USA in New Jersey, after two years in Brussels, Belgium and asks if expats are more resilient ?

 “Resilience” is the positive capacity of people to survive and “bounce back” after failures and adversity. I think it is a pretty complex topic.

Read more… 520 more words

Summer is already here and for expats in transition toward a new destination it is the time to put your resilience at work. Here a popular post I wrote about one year ago with tips on how to develop your resilience and keep your sanity while moving to a new country or going back "home"

Cosmetic Surgery On The Rise In American Women And Men

In  previous post I was talking about “How To Deal With Your Aging Fears And Move Forward”  and got some questions regarding the number of cosmetic procedures in both men and women.

The  American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) released their 15thannual multi-specialty procedural statistics.

Almost 9.2 million cosmetic surgical and nonsurgical procedures were performed in the United States in 2011.

If the number of cosmetic surgery procedures increased in men, women are still counting for 90% of the total surgeries.

Cosmetic surgical procedures increased almost 1 percent in the past year, with over 1.6 million procedures in 2011. Surgical procedures accounted for 18% of the total numbers of procedure performed representing 63% of total expenditures.  The top five surgical procedures were:

• Liposuction (325,332)
• Breast augmentation (316,848)
• Abdominoplasty (149,410)
• Eyelid surgery (147,540)
• Breast Lift (127,054)

Men had almost 800,000 cosmetic procedures, 9% of the total. The number of cosmetic procedures for men increased over 121% from 1997. The top five surgical procedures for men were: liposuction, rhinoplasty, eyelid surgery, breast reduction to treat enlarged male breast, and facelift.

Americans spent nearly $10 billion on cosmetic procedures in 2011. Of that total $6.2 billion was spent on surgical procedures.

These numbers show how much pressure the society is putting on physical appearance, especially among baby boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964). One reason could be the increasing number of baby boomers looking for love online. CNN reports that internet dating sites are the most popular way people are finding companions and those over 50 are the fastest growing segment of eHarmony’s users.

However the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) reported that “adults between the ages of 31 and 45 (generation X) accounted for 43% of all cosmetic procedures in 2010. Baby boomers, aged 51 to 64, who do in fact have more expendable income, accounted for just 28% of such procedures.

Percent of Total All Surgical and Non Surgical Procedures by Age: 

1.4% Ages 18 and under
19.5% Ages 19-34
42.9% Ages 35-50 (Gen X)
27.8% Ages 51-64 (baby boomers)
8.3% Ages 65+

Acceptance of those who undergo plastic surgeries is increasing as well, according to ASAPS. A recent survey found that 53 percent of women and 49 percent of men say they approve of plastic surgery. In addition, 67 percent of Americans said they would not be embarrassed if their friends and family knew they had cosmetic surgery.

Read more here :News Releases – Statistics, Surveys.

Reference : 2011 ASAPS Statistics: Complete charts [Including National Totals, Percent of Change, Gender Distribution, Age Distribution, National Average Fees, Economic, Regional and Ethnic Information] - [PDF]

7 Rules To Never Waste Your Time Again

Reblogged from Anne Egros, Intercultural Executive Coach:

Are you always busy, yet not finishing all you want to do or enjoying the way you spend your time ? Time is the most precious asset we have that once spent is lost forever, unlike other precious things we may lose such as money, a job or even love, as we can always replace them. So why most people don't think about time as an investment and don't choose wisely how to spend it  as they do about their own money ?

Read more… 769 more words

Are You In Control Of How You Spend Your Time ?

1-What have you done since you read this article ?

2-What tips did you find useful ?

3-What other strategies did you use ?

Examples of what I did for saving time for my business:

I tracked my time on Social Media Platforms and concluded:

#1: I spent too much time learning about Facebook pages and other social media tools in details, now I know more than enough to be able to make a distinction between what works and what don't  and more importantly I have now in my network a bunch of very good social media experts and online marketing professionals I trust whom I can use for myself or recommend to my friends and clients.                             

#2: Time zones and geography: To be effective I have to post when my clients are active on the Internet. I learned how to use some automatic tools that post for me when I sleep on Twitter for example but it was not really efficient. I also dug deep into cultural preferences and clearly saw that Facebook was not used for business in most of my target countries but used for casual family and friends contacts.

#3: Linkedin authorize you to follow 50 groups (and more if you use sub-groups), I found this is way too many, so I just kept the groups but stopped all the notifications by email. That way I don't have too much distractions in my inbox. I also leave some groups and join others based on my interests at a specific moment. 

#4: Use Email Filters and Folders. I try to automatically put incoming emails in folders by topics or people. I have one  for all notifications from Facebook, one for Twitter and one for each client or important people, one for blogs and newsletters I follow etc..

#5: I started to use Scoop-it a magazine-like curation tool that help me keep interesting articles that stay there so I can search certain topics and save me time when I need to write an article or a blog. It is better than Twitter for that purpose.

#6:Un-following  people on Twitter:  I am using " ManageFlitter" to eliminate accounts I followed in the past that are no longer active and I want to focus on people who share my interests.

                                                                                                                                               

Related articles

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How To Deal With Your Aging Fears And Move Forward

I just added one more year to my official age last week, look strange I did not feel THAT old ! So I look at the mirror and asked:

“Mirror, Mirror, Do I still look young, beautiful and attractive?”

“Humm …not as pretty, thin and fresh than 20 years ago responded the mirror”

Then I look closer at my face saw wrinkles around my eyes, my hair roots showing their true gray color, some parts of my body were definitively showing signs of aging but I did not really worry. For sure I am not as beautiful as Demi Moore for the same age but she seems to have some troubles accepting her age emotionally (read more about Demi’s Life after rehab)

For most women there is an age, could be 35. 45 or 55, when we realize that our body is changing
and we cannot have the same weight and shape that we had before we got our children or like when we were in college. The paradox is, then we probably were not happy with our body image.

No matter how old you are, how you look, how much money you spend in surgery you cannot stop aging but you can choose between two attitudes:

1-Change the way you define beauty and your feelings about your body image

2-Stay in denial and live miserably because you cannot turn the clock back even with Botox or the surgeon’s knife.

So if you want to age gracefully and enjoy your life everyday for the next 40 or 50 years here the four tips you can follow:

1-Acknowledge that your appearance is changing and notice the true fears and feelings you have when you look at yourself in the mirror and see the changes. Are you worrying about your marriage or your career? Are you scared of being unable to practice your favorite sport ? Are you feeling unsecured when you are with younger people? Do you worry about having enough money when you will retire ? it is very important to be as precise as possible to address the real issues you are dealing with beyond just fear of losing your youth.

2-Listen to your thoughts and self-criticisms, maybe you are too harsh and need to re-write your inner dialogue with less negative judgements. Focus on what you like most about your physical appearance and talk to yourself with the same tone you will tell a friend.

3-Imagine yourself being 20 years older and looking at a picture of you as you are right now,. You will probably think you were pretty good-looking at that time and you might regret that you did not enjoy your look when you had the opportunity.

4-Make healthy changes instead of clinging to the past: you can start by eating wisely, enjoy physical activities, invest in an image consultant who can help you choose the best color to wear and styles, helps with make-up and your hair. Once I coached a client who did a re-looking after she made big changes in her life and the transformation was amazing. Her new outside look was aligned with her new feelings and thoughts about herself.

How about you ?

• Are you worrying or desperate about aging ?
• When old is too old for you?
• Are you ready to go to surgery to get flatter belly or less wrinkles ?

Read more here : Angelina Jolie talks about her famous face

How To Stay Focused When Your Life Is A Chaos

Spring is often a time of intense excitation for many people. For example I like to “de-cluterize”  my closets and my computer or re-evaluate my business strategy. Probably mother nature makes us feel that way, showing us so much exuberance with beautiful flowers and birds singing everywhere.

It is also a very chaotic time for most expatriates who are going to relocate to another country or going back “home”. If you are moving to an unknown place, you have probably spent a lot of time and energy already to search information, connect with people you don’t know who are living or has lived in your new country. Maybe you have also to make plans to sell your current house, cars, appliances(if you don’t have the same voltage), worried about your kids’ well-being and schools, started house hunting etc.

The number of things to think about when you plan a move is a Herculean task  and you better be well prepared and organized.

When you are in transition, no matter if it is for a new job, a new house or a new country, you have to deal with a lot of stress that will prevent you to focus and  get the right things done.

Here are some tips to help you achieve your goals while enjoying your life when you are in transition:

1-Dealing with uncertainty 

When we deal with any change we have many worries and many “what If” type of questions that trigger a lot of anxiety. What if I don’t like the people in my new job ?, What if I cannot sell my house ? What if I don’t like my new country ? it is hard to focus when we are constantly worrying.

What you can do:

• Accept that the decision you have made is the right one and do not regret it as there is no turn back
• Let go the obsession to control everything.The only certainty we have, is that life is unpredictable, no matter how prepared we are.
• Try to notice when you get those worries kicking
• Identify a coping strategy like taking a break and go walking outside or write down your feelings and thoughts in a journal, talk to your friends or simply do nothing and think about a good moment of your life.

2-Keeping  Your Routine

Everyday,  you have to keep your life as usual plus add on the top all the logistics and deal with unplanned events such as waiting for a visa or finalizing your new job contract. You will experienced periods of high excitation when you are into action followed by periods of uncertainty that are really testing your patience and your morale when things are not going the way you think.

What you can do: 

• Having rituals or daily habits helps stay focused.
• You can choose specific days of the week to do certain activities that you need to do anyway like picking the kids at school, grocery shopping, going to the gym etc. Put those activities at a fix time in your weekly calendar as much as you can so you don’t waste your time on planning.
• Be realistic  and conservative about the time you need, adjust your pace like for a marathon you cannot be always in an emergency mode otherwise you will get burnout.
• Take 2 daily breaks of 30 minutes minimum for unplugging and relaxing

3-Stay Motivated : Make a “done list”

Getting things done give you a sense of control and helps you manage your stress.

What you can do: 

• Finish everyday by revising what you have accomplished during the last 24 hours or last week or since you started working on your project. You will realize you have done much more than you think, including things that were not planned!

Your Turn : What do you do to stay focused while in transition ?

Related articles

• The other side of an expat life (lovelifeliveandlaugh.wordpress.com)
• Uncertainty (mightyinspiration.wordpress.com)

Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Grief and Loss – AARP

All men die, but not all men really live~William Wallace

This is a very serious subject and  I would like you to think about it. Do you really live the life you want? Are your compromising your dreams to meet someone ‘else agenda. Do you think you had no choice so you live a life you do not enjoy fully?  Do you simply take time to explore your dreams before you are too old or too sick to make them true ?

Bronnie Ware worked for many years in palliative care. Her  patients were those who had gone home to die. On their dying bed, when questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, five common themes surfaced.  I am going to list those top 5 regrets and put some personal comments for you to think about it

 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. It’s important to try to honor at least some of your dreams along the way. It’s too late once you lose your health. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

For years I have kept a journal where I write my dreams, small or big, without checking if they are feasible or not. This exercise helps you being conscious of what you passionately want, I check it regularly and add new ones but I am always amaze to see I have achieved some of my dreams almost effortlessly as they were in my mind when choices had to be made.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.  We sacrifice our Youth, Health, Time and Love for money and other materialistic things yet those most precious things cannot be bought with money. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.

 3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Being able to recognize and express your negative emotions such as anger, resentment,  frustration and communicate  your worries and doubts safely with friends or family members is certainly helping reducing stress. Chronic (long-term) stress caused by stressful situations or events that last over a long period of time can trigger health problems. If you already have a health problem, stress can make it worse.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Being part of a community, helping others having a cause you stand for all this make your life richer, giving has healing power when it is done unconditionally.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Guilt is often the emotion that prevent you from being truly happy. Be incredibly selfish, have your own needs met first because you cannot really help others if you feel miserable, you cannot truly love if you do not love yourself.

To read more about this article Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Grief and Loss – AARP 

Hope that sharing this article with you will help you to never have regrets