Tag Archives: leading change

How to breakup with your old self after a major life transition

Significant life transitions, such as moving to a new city or a new country, becoming a parent or retiring, can be exciting, exhilarating and giving you a chance to grow.  Yet transitions, even positive ones, can also be stressful and bring up mixed feelings.

Breaking up with yourself is hard, yet necessary: In transitions, you’re breaking up with who you were during that time of your life. You’re not only leaving a place and a season in life behind, but you’re also leaving a version of you.

In life transitions, feeling strangely abnormal becomes the new normal.

So right now, if it feels like you’re going through an identity crisis it’s probably because you most definitely are.

The only way to truly own your life is to take responsibility for it. Sometimes things happen and there is no logical explanation, and it doesn’t need to be anyone’s fault. Finger-pointing and blaming doesn’t take away from what happened or change the facts. In fact, it keeps you living in the past by dwelling

Control, perfectionism, micro-managing. If it serves you, that’s great. Truth is I’ve yet to meet a woman that doesn’t drive herself crazy over it.

I refer to control as a ‘losing game’. It’s perfectly natural to desire that certain things happen in a certain way, but when we create requirements that everything happens according to plan (requirements to be happy, to feel successful, to feel good about ourselves), that’s when it backfires. And it’s only because we will never truly be able to control everything and everyone in our lives. It’s an impossibility. But we do have the power to influence ourselves and our lives to our greatest abilities.

Happiness stems from freedom, not control. But we can only feel truly free when we have the ability to choose. Restrictions and control are the polar opposite of freedom.

Breaking up with OLD_YOU starts with self-awareness.

Your inner self-talk determines what you say, what you do, and how you feel every single day. Influencing it is one of the most powerful things you can do to influence your life.

If you can identify when you are talking to yourself about yourself through the eyes of guilt, shame, blame, control, or comparison, and start talking to yourself like you would your own best friend (with acceptance, compassion, and understanding), your life is going to completely change.

Transitions never occurs in a vacuum. It Involves people at every turn.

Part of transitioning well means being mindful of the process involved in saying good-bye. If we give ourselves the time and space to say good-bye well we are freer at our destination to say hello with our whole hearts. Same principle applies when you have to say goodbye to your old self.

7 psychological reasons for diet failure


Do you keep failing to lose weight? Your mindset might be preventing successful weight loss. Find out how to change this.

Source: low-carb-support.com

This apply to any kind of change, not only for loosing weight :

We all don’t like discomfort and change is about making you uncomfortable, so embrace it rather than trying to avoid the pain.

No pain no gain: yes if you want changes that last you will have to give up some things you really enjoy but the key is to replace habits that don’t serve your goals by new habits you equally enjoy

Focus on the process rather than on the end results, nothing is happening overnight.

Check if you are mentally and physically equipped to make the changes you need. It is better to postpone starting a change project if it is not the right timing rather than trying for a couple of days or week, failing and blaming yourself for lack of will power. It will sure make your self-esteem goes down

Have Your Made New Year Resolutions ?

Visit Our Page What Is Coaching ?

Contact Me If you Think Coaching is What You Need To Succeed !

See on Scoop.itGreat Life Coaching

What is Bio Leadership ?

Not another change initiative? Some ideas on how change really works and implications for leaders. (See on www.slideshare.net )

Anne Egros‘s insight: Great presentation!

What’s new about leadership ?

No more top down approach. Leaders must deal with rapidly evolving times in the era of social networks, tribes, multiple locations, identities and cultural diversity.

Senior managers won’t overcome established routines and competing interests by giving lectures. More than ever, we are talking about revolution, no more quiet evolution and leaders must be part of the system, feel it and find links among smaller groups randomly distributed in the organization to get enough momentum for change.

Viral leaders think organizations are like a human body, they strategically  “infect” the network with suggestions via the right people. New ideas usually start from small groups of early adopters and then spread in the whole system when it is clear that new behaviors and new processes have meaning and benefits.

For me the next level of evolution of viral leadership is “bio leadership” using ideas as stem cells that have the potential to become any type of cell in the body. One of the main characteristics of stem cells is their ability to self-renew or multiply while maintaining the potential to develop into other types of cells. With stem cells, the body does not recognize them as “external objects” like viruses.

Bio leaders need to identify and enable agents of change, rule breakers and other creative people in various groups within the organization itself so immunity and resistance to change is minimized. Then those people can not only spread new ideas but also help develop highly personalized solutions for different types of challenges such as launching a new product in different countries and cultures.

See on www.slideshare.net

The Grass On The Other Side Is Always Greener !

greener side

When you see how it can make things better, you get more interested in making the change happen.

(Spencer Johnson-Who Moved My Cheese?)


Five months ago we moved from Belgium to the U.S. because we decided to live in a place where we think  we will have more chances to be happy than in Europe where my husband and I were born. We do think the grass is definitively greener from this side of the Atlantic.  We think the education system in France is too rigid and focus on the negatives while we see the American culture more incline to do  praising and positive reinforcement at school or at work which make people more positive in life than focusing on the negative. In America people have an entrepreneurial spirit and we think just because the country is still the number one economy in the world that statistically  there are more opportunities here on several aspects of our life.

Some psychologists may perceive this attitude as not being able to be happy with what you have and  immature or even unhealthy,  but I challenge that idea because this thinking has also the power to make your life more extra-ordinary. This way of thinking is a strong motivator to change and it is a survival mode too when things turn bad. It is important to make choices without comparing what you have with what other people have in a negative way like being envious or jealous. You need to have an explorer mind to discover new ways of thinking or people who enrich your life.

I am an expatriate by choice because I do find more positive than negative to live abroad even after 12 moves, back and forth across the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans. In a previous post, I explain that people who are overcoming obstacles in unknown environments like expatriates in new cultures develop more resilience .(See:  Are Expats More Resilient ? )

For sure you can make you own grass greener if you don’t take is for granted and continue to take care of it, putting water removing weeds. However, you won’t be able to bring the world diversity in your backyard easily. It is also hard to predict changes and adversity  like new bugs or weeds that will destroy your grass or the one on the other side of the fence,  but adapting to changes is about moving on and looking where the grass is greener.

Interestingly I hear very often  the same things from Americans thinking France and Western European countries are better in term of education, healthcare, employment and quality of life in general as opposed to what they think about their own country.

We all agree that our perception is our reality and thinking that you can start a new life in a new place and that sky has no limit, foster a great positive mindset and makes you do things other people think there are impossible.

Life IS change ! What do you think ?

Do you have a pioneer mind ?

Here a short movie about Spencer Johnson’s book  “Who Moved My Cheese”

For Expats It’s Summertime but The Leaving Is Not That Easy!

♫.Summertime and the living is easy…

Yes it is time for the majority of expats to move to a new destination either as a first experience abroad or for veterans like me managing move # 12 from Brussels, Belgium to New Jersey, USA.

I have decided to take it easy this time. While I am sorting stuff to keep, to give, to sell or to trash.  I take my time looking at old pictures and videos. I realized how blessed I am for living such an extraordinary life. I would never had the chance to meet those great people with so different backgrounds and get exposed to very different life experiences by staying in the same city for 20 years.

Living abroad is often challenging especially when leaving a place you just started to really enjoy, in our case the Brussels experience was only 2 years and it was definitively too short!  I might be nostalgic to leave good friends behind but I have no regrets ! Each move has been carefully discussed with my husband. I was probably lucky to start my international career 20 years ago when the job market was not as tough as it is today. We manage our careers as buddies. Each time my husband had an offer to work abroad, we negotiated that the company help me get a job too.

Today I have my own portable career as an independent professional coach since 2008. It  allows me to take care of my 9-year-old son and satisfy my basic needs to meet new people, be creative and enjoy helping others.

For expats who have hard time to leave for an unknown place and overwhelmed by the moving task I invite you to take 5 minutes at the end of each day to write everything that pops up into your mind when you think about the words “unhappy” and “happy”. Try to organize your thoughts by grouping them under various positive and negative  emotions and feeling such as:

  1. Exciting, feeling good, curious, friendly, fun, enthusiast, high energy
  2. Painful, stressful, frustrating, annoying, boring, worried, low energy
  3. Neutral, comfortable, balance, joy, peace
  4. Anger, resentment, overaggressive, negative energy

Describe what you feel and explain exactly what happened or why you feel that way. Then  separate things you think you can change and things you are not in a position to change for now. Focus on what you can do to enjoy more your day, what you are grateful for and list some strategies to overcome blocks and barriers.

In any case be sure to be INCREDIBLY SELFISH. Take care of your well being first, if you need to choose between having a lunch with a friend or sorting more files, opt for the friend, you will always have time later to get read of stuff you don’t want.

How to Use LinkedIn to Find a New Job

LinkedIn more than just another social network. It’s a powerful job search tool. They have a pretty good section on how to find a job with LinkedIn.

via How to Use LinkedIn to Find a New Job.


Related Articles

    How To Deal With Emotional Eating While In Transition?


    I am not talking about the  few pounds or kilos you usually gain after overeating for one or two feast meals at Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s Eve.

    "Emotional eating junk food"

    What I am talking about is a long-term approach to both weight gain and weight loss that many people struggle with during major transitions in response to stress and negative emotions. When people are stressed, their brain send wrong signals to their body and they are looking  at food, especially highly refined, sugary and fatty junk food, to stimulate the pleasure center and calm them down.

    No diet, no exercise program, no surgery will relieve you of your addiction to food. Why?  Because they do not address the profound reasons for your bad eating habits.

    For many expatriates there are many obvious and not so obvious reasons to compensate negative emotions with junk  food or overeating:

    1. Moving every 2 to 5 years
    2. Stress of packing and unpacking stuff,
    3. Not able to cook healthy food in your own kitchen while  in transit
    4. No time for exercising
    5. Cross-cultural issues
    6. Being isolated and  bored alone at home
    7. Being pregnant and having a baby abroad
    8. Working spouse travelling much more than previous situation
    9. Chaos and unstructured environment
    10. Loss of  support network of fiends and family or colleagues
    11. Frustration, anger and resentment of not liking your new environment
    12. Loss of status
    13. Poor self-esteem
    14. Feeling insecure
    15. No access to health care and therapists in your own language

    The more you eat and gain weight the more frustrated you get and the more you eat. This is a vicious circle that becomes a habit. The first year of an expatriation you recognize that the 10 pounds or 6 kilos you gained are related to few or all of  the reasons listed above and once you are ready,  you know you can get read of the extra weight by having a healthier diet and resume your physical activities. This is fine except that having your weight up and down like a yo-yo can trigger more serious health problems such as diabetes , hypertension and heart attacks if it becomes a habit. In addition as you get older it becomes more difficult to lose this extra weight.

    Of course this is not an issue for expatriates only,  most overweight and obese people experience the same negative emotional eating pattern. The problem when you are living abroad is the lack of appropriate care and specific support because of cultural barriers or a drastic change in  lifestyle.

    Here some tips :

    1-  Look for professional help such as cognitive therapy to change your response to stress and negative emotions : Robin Pascoe has written a very good article about : Finding a therapist while living abroad.

    2-If boredom is the reason for overeating, think about a project you always wanted to do or something you wanted to learn but you never had time for:  ask people who share same interests to help you find the resources. If you don’t understand the local language look for local publications in English, networking and support groups in English

    3-Volunteer at school, be involved in your local community, teach your language or other things you are good at. Giving without expecting anything in return and helping others usually trigger the production of pleasure hormones in your brain so you are less tempted to eat to get the same good feeling.

    4-Exercising is good but try to find outdoor physical activities with possibilities to socialize by joining a group such a walking, hiking, biking or even visiting local attractions. I love doing aerobic or dance classes but usually people don’t really have time to socialize at the gym.

    5-Be kind to yourself : accept emotional eating as a legitimate coping choice and tolerate some craving. Organize regularly a dinner or a lunch with your spouse or friends and eat what you like. Get back on track the next couple of days by eating fish, lean meats and vegetables, do one more hour of exercise  during the week.

    6-Do not multi-task while eating: Make a conscious choice of what you are eating sit down and concentrate on eating only. Eat slowly, pause often, use small plates.

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